I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize