when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
