Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
