I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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