I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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