is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
