I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
