I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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