Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
