I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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