I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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