if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
