He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
