We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
