Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
