I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize