The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
