What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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