My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize