like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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