pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
