how can u be prego again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
