i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
