Sry I called you an 8
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
