so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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