Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
