the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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