I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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