Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
