umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
