DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
