Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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