stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I look better un-naked...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
