I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
