Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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