I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How's work?
Spinning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
