i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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