yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
