I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize