You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
