If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
