Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
