the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
