I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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