It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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