Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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