It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ketchup is God's man juice
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
