You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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