...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
