I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
