look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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