maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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