you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
