just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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