The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
