My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
