i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
