3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
