Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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