i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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