For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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