You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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