All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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