I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
