I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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