Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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