Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
