We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
