don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
