Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
