is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
