i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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