I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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