The maid of honor just puked.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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