is your mom at the bar?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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